My Fetish Was Revealed
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. Recently, my wife went through my internet browsing history and discovered that I have a fetish that she didn’t know about. She wasn’t mad, which is great, but now she’s trying to please me by incorporating the fetish into our sex life (it’s a foot fetish, for the record). While I’m flattered that she cares enough to do this for me…I’m really not interested in her feet in a sexual way. It’s one thing when it’s on the internet, but it’s completely different in real life. How do I communicate this without insulting her?
A: Sharing one’s sexual fantasy is not always easy as it requires vulnerability and thus courage. Understanding your particular fetish is the first step. Sexual fetishes are often complex, and even the same fetish can vary from person to person. Some people are turned on by just looking at feet, while others engage in foot worshiping practices. It sounds like in your case, you just enjoy the watching aspect. By the way, feet are considered the most fetishized non sexual body part, so you are certainly not alone. Talking to your partner about your fetish is a great idea. Be prepared to engage in an honest conversation as your partner will probably have lots of questions for you. Think about when this interest started, what you like about it, and explain that your fantasy stops at just looking rather than incorporating feet into your sexual behavior. Make sure you let her know that this is not personal to her at all. Bottom line: Not all fantasies want to be played out (in fact, they often lose their power to arouse if played out in real life).
Belly Buttons
Q: Me and my partner have been together for 6 years. and I’ve found out recently she got a weird thing for my belly button where she wants to see it or play with it in different ways specially with her tongue or blow raspberries on it. She knows I’ve got an outie belly button where my belly button sticks out. Basically I’m really self-conscious about my belly button due to having an outie. I really can’t tell if this is a fetish or kink or just an obsession. I’m willing to explore this or go down the road of belly button worship or belly button fetishes with her especially if she’s into all belly buttons or just loves my belly button. Is there anything I could do to her belly button if this is something she likes or is into, should I play with her belly button and see if she likes it? Her belly button is an innie, so hers sticks in or should I just blow raspberries all over her belly and belly button? Obviously I don’t wanna kink or fetish-shame her if this is something she likes. Do you consider this either weird or normal?
A: It’s difficult to know if this is a fetish or her just having some fun playing with your belly button. Some people are definitely excited by belly buttons to the extent of fetishizing them. This is known as alvinophilia. But others simply enjoy or admire a partner’s belly button. So it doesn’t have to be a weird thing. It could just be that she likes this part of you. Just enjoy it, and ask her if she wants you to play with hers. Follow her lead.