Keeping the “spark” alive in your sex life is a challenging and continuous practice in long-term relationships, unfortunately it’s not something everyone knows they have to work on, or even know how to work on it, and up to 75% of sexless marriages end in divorce!
If you’re afraid your relationship is heading that way, it’s time to take a close look at your sex life. Many men unknowingly make critical mistakes that slowly destroy intimacy and connection, these are the 3 most common mistakes I see with my clients.
The good news? These mistakes are simple to fix—once you know how…
Mistake 1: Sexual Entitlement
Have you ever tapped your partner on the shoulder asking for sex, only to hear “I’m too tired,” or “not tonight”? Repeated rejection can feel frustrating and confusing—after all, you’re in a committed relationship. But this mindset leads to one of the biggest relationship killers: sexual entitlement.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re “owed” sex. If your partner feels pressured into having sex when she’s not in the mood, it can lead to her just “taking one for the team.” These empty sexual encounters where she’s disengaged devalue intimacy for both of you. Over time, she may stop wanting sex altogether.
How to Fix It:
- Remove expectations: Reframe your approach to sex. It’s not about an allotment or obligation—it’s about shared connection.
- Focus on quality, not quantity: Sex should be a special, mutually desired experience, not something forced or rushed.
Mistake 2: Misaligned Intentions
Stress is a sex life killer. Many men use sex as a way to “blow off steam” or release stress. However, when you approach intimacy this way, it can feel like you’re using your partner.
If your partner senses that you’re only focused on your own release or feels pressured into sex, her desire will plummet. Women want to feel desired, cared for, and connected—not like they’re fulfilling a transaction.
How to Fix It:
- Clarify your intentions: Let her know you want sex to be about connection, love, and fun—not just orgasm or ejaculation.
- Set a new tone for intimacy: Tell her you only want sex when you’re both 100% into it. Removing pressure makes the experience more meaningful and pleasurable.
Mistake 3: Emotional Avoidance
Many men are taught to “stay strong” and bottle up their emotions. The problem? Women are intuitive. If you’re emotionally shut down or pretending everything is fine when it’s not, your partner will sense the distance. Emotional avoidance creates resentment, destroys trust, and kills intimacy.
If your partner feels you’re closed off, she won’t feel safe enough to open up to you emotionally—or physically.
How to Fix It:
- Open up and communicate: Be honest about your feelings, share vulnerabilities, and own your mistakes. Let her know you’re committed to improving and reconnecting.
- Create trust and safety: Emotional intimacy is the foundation of sexual intimacy. When your partner feels heard and understood, she’ll naturally want to connect with you on a deeper level.
The #1 Secret to Becoming Irresistible
If you truly want your partner to surrender to her deepest pleasure and start initiating sex, you need to combine all of these principles and add a powerful final touch: proof.
Here’s the secret: give her a night just for her.
- Set clear boundaries: No penetration, and she isn’t allowed to try and pleasure you during or after.
- Focus only on her pleasure: Show her that you care deeply about her satisfaction and that sex isn’t about “getting something” in return.
By creating a night that revolves entirely around her and her pleasure, you demonstrate love, intention, and emotional connection. She’ll feel seen, valued, and safe to explore her pleasure with you. This will help build back her trust and take your relationship and sex life to a whole new level.
If you are looking for direct coaching and guidance on the challenges you face in your sex life, you can book a free call directly with me.
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