“Caught” In The Act
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. My husband and I are in our late 30s and have two kids and careers. We still make time for sex but not quite at the same level we did in the beginning of our relationship ten years ago. Recently I was in the shower and decided to get off, and when I was pretty close to finishing my husband walked in the room. I think we were both surprised and I kind of said, “Sorry, be out in a minute,” but he stayed there. I was in the zone and didn’t really notice that he was attempting to be included, and I reiterated, saying “Yeah, I’ll just be a minute, okay?”
When I got out of the shower he was bummed out that I didn’t think to include him in the first place, but it was just a spur of the moment, I have five extra minutes thing. I tried to explain that, but I don’t think he understood. How do I get him to understand the difference between alone time and our shared time, and soothe his ego, which I think was bruised?
A: Sounds like your husband just misses you and your intimate time together which led him to feel left out. You are right about the difference between a quick masturbation session and a lovemaking session with a partner. Turn the tables on him to see how he feels when he masturbates. Doesn’t he ever just rub one out quickly to maybe relieve stress or tension? I’m sure that if you get him to see it that way, he will understand. Good communication is key. Please reassure him that, just like when he masturbates, it’s not because he doesn’t want to be with you.
Wearing Women’s Panties
Q: Can men wear women’s panties? I have a desire to wear women’s panties and I think about wearing them all the time. Do I need help?
A: You can wear whatever you like! No one else knows what is under your pants except you. For some men, this can be a fetish but it depends on the context and the significance you attach to it. If you get aroused from wearing them, then it would be considered a fetish, and more specifically, a cross-dressing fetish. But for some people, wearing women’s panties may simply be a form of sex-expression, gender exploration or comfort rather than it being driven by sexual arousal. If someone enjoys wearing women’s panties or engaging in any other fetishistic behavior, it’s important that it doesn’t cause distress, interfere with daily functioning, or harm themselves or others. It’s only considered a problematic fetish if it becomes obsessive or compulsive, or if it leads to negative consequences in relationships or daily life. In such cases, therapy or counseling is recommended.